a moment ago, i could live with denying and be perfectly contented with what i had but i guess its probably different now, sadistically insane.
:: 10:43 a.m. on 2009-12-25
sometimes i wonder why i get into shit like this. really. if only i thought it through more carefully and weighed everything better. look at me now.
:: 3:19 p.m. on 2009-11-25
oh my god, common ap is killing me!!!! i think i am just gonna apply for some uk collage as well, lazzzyyy... UCL kings LSE hmmm
:: 8:37 a.m. on 2009-11-07
me thinks i am better off doing something not as mentally rigorous- like art. haha. wavering on my sevens. oopsy daisy!
:: 6:17 p.m. on 2009-11-06
we all long to be somewhere we arent, someone we're not, to have something we dont. i cant remember a time not wanting and i am never gonna happy this way. i havent been on shopbop/aa/revolve for a v v long time. GAHH! must not be tempted. i cant believe its here. the end of formal education, and we're out into the big bad world. i thank god that i have friends, who really cant be bothered to judge anymore. appreciate it really. you guys are the breath of fresh air, the only unpolluted air there is. People can be awfully cruel to one another, that goes without saying, without thought. maybe its time to be more sensitive and to care just a little bit more.
:: 8:41 a.m. on 2009-11-02
three weeks before sweet freedom! i remember saying the exact same line before Os and this time its really killing me. truth is, i never felt so much ambivalence in awhile. cant wait for MELBOURNE and everything else that imbibes happiness. you know i never really felt such regret.. in a good way maybe because i hardly got to know how it would feel like. side note maybe my life isnt so bad after all. actually i think its good except i had to change circumstance. work hard!
the sad thing is "she tries so hard" my gosh it breaks my heart to see you like that. you'll get better, promise. and i'll do whatever it takes :)
:: 8:59 a.m. on 2009-10-28
three weeks before sweet freedom! i remember saying the exact same line before Os and this time its really killing me. truth is, i never felt so much ambivalence in awhile. cant wait for MELBOURNE and everything else that imbibes happiness. you know i never really felt such regret.. in a good way maybe because i hardly got to know how it would feel like. side note maybe my life isnt so bad after all. actually i think its good except i had to change circumstance. work hard!
the sad thing is "she tries so hard" my gosh it breaks my heart to see you like that. you'll get better, promise. and i'll do whatever it takes :)
:: 8:59 a.m. on 2009-10-28
:: on
you've got a smile that can light up this whole townnnn! heeeheee stab me i loveeee tailor swift! HAHA
i cant wait to work at toys r us during christmas! all the cheer and happy fat kids :D
:: 12:47 p.m. on 2009-10-19
one day i am gonna come back all doleful eyed to see how stupid i was to be counting to ends. all i needed to do was to behold; a moment. i cant wait to be freeee. really makes me all excited when i think of how wonderful life is gonna be. hello lazy sundays and shopping sprees. i think its time to earn some cash or maybe just save more $$. GAH. all this action, distraction. liberty, you've been a good girl. okay lets just keep this our little secret :)
:: 9:01 a.m. on 2009-10-19
fancy a dream, everything's so surreal. we stepped into a place, it felt so crystal in the air. we were ready for a foreign combat. Welcome, they said welcome to the floor. intimidated as we scatter into sections, form impressions, rush impulses. It was really all about timing, too bad you got me unprepared. am glad i havent given up, because you and you have made it possible. i dont understand so many things but time will tell. I've formed so many opinions, some that will really always be so dear to me, hot wax has left me a sign. burnt ashes, charred to blurry eyed belief. And I'll mirror images back at you. chapter- the last i cant believe it. 4 more weeks. sometimes it feels as if i was better off then but i cant see how i could have experienced it all so differently now.
:: 12:08 p.m. on 2009-10-14
so you've got that feeling now dont you. you're gonna have to keep it, grasp it, be selfish. never been so determined, never wanted anything so badly. i will and can do this. i know its gonna be so darn worth it. all the downs, all the disappointment, epiphanies, satisfaction. i need to prove so much, be in so many places but i'll never again be plagued by such stupid trifles . i'll do it. i promise. pinky promise.
:: 12:23 a.m. on 2009-10-10
oh no whats this, try and feel some value.
all this inadequacy adds up to dangerous amounts. dont mess with some machine when its perfectly capable of numbing and feeling nothing. giving up seems like a pretty attractive button i must say. beg to differ.
no i must not be numbered to a forty. on the other hand, one is often mistaken for a lonely number, well it has its appeals when 2 is the loneliest number since the number one isnt it?
:: 9:53 p.m. on 2009-10-06
EIGHT MORE DAYS TILL ART IS OVER! i really cant say the same for art. rushing art this past two months have been inspiring as much as it was annoying and tiring! theres something about it that liberates. dont know, feels strange. always had this love hate relationship with it. haha!
why why why do i have to be the ugly bee! super annoyed! the uglies speak, and cant forget the moment when everything was taken for granted, i miss having to walk away with gold. when second best was never an option. irk. i dont get me. but more than i dont get myself, i really i dont get why i am the victim of such plagued situations. thanks for loving the ugly bee, jun aries tiara!
hello (max), your long overdue name is on my blog. time to SMILE and be contented! i figured it'll take a while before people can wiki your name so you may need this.
fellow trusties
:: 11:50 p.m. on 2009-09-24
My works depict a journey of a personal recollection, capturing the intangible companionship I have with horses. Being an equestrian athlete and a horse owner, life experiences, daily interactions with horses and my response to immediate environment inspire the content and context of my work. My art reveals hints of nostalgic images of my growth through the years around horses, evoking fondness of this unyielding relationship. Horses have been my companions through the "awkward" stages of my adolescence, guiding and shaping me through those experimental years and influencing the person I am today. Thus, my work captures this unwavering identity.
argh, i need to cut 28 words. cant believe i did art from 11 to 11 today! i pray to god, everyday! :)
Things to do:
1. time to pull things together
2. move up to the gallery
3. what matters most
4. just a prediction
:: 12:19 a.m. on 2009-09-05
i need to get a blog which allows me to post pictures without so much hassle! just because i'd rather read blogs with colours, rainbows and sparkles. haha! i need to be redeemed, from sloth(ART). infinite possibilities and you see it ends here. very strange how things play out and how you know you'll never be right here at this very stage again. everyone's happy, being extraordinary, its times like these when you see that the background friezes in may ways, its not always that bad. thank youuuuuuu my friends. I LOVE YOU GUYS, every single one of you! so much has happened, completely unaware how time works. dont you shiver, just because you believe you belong to someone else. lovelyyyyy
:: 8:58 p.m. on 2009-08-28
i am in a very bad liquidity position now. in fact i am living on debts. i cant help but its getting addictive and i just CANNOT stop! WHYYY! we need to prioritize abit here.. my legs ache from 400m haha! its a very scary feeling when you suddenly dont feel yourself spin out of control anymore. like it used to. perhaps its just scary to lose something you thought held some value. something you thought made you different and special. something maybe innate but robbed by sloth. this teenage love makes alot of sense, its like a stubborn youth, that you'd rather just deny. It's all false love and affection. you dont need, you just want the attention, just another girl meets boy. truth in that..
:: 11:24 p.m. on 2009-08-13
i am in a very bad liquidity position now. in fact i am living on debts. i cant help but its getting addictive and i just CANNOT stop! WHYYY! we need to prioritize abit here.. my legs ache from 400m haha! its a very scary feeling when you suddenly dont feel yourself spin out of control anymore. like it used to. perhaps its just scary to lose something you thought held some value. something you thought made you different and special. something maybe innate but robbed by sloth. this teenage love makes alot of sense, its like a stubborn youth, that you'd rather just deny. It's all false love and affection. you dont need, you just want the attention, just another girl meets boy. truth in that..
:: 11:24 p.m. on 2009-08-13
mummy told me its best to be yourself. I couldnt help but reply that myself is never gonna good enough, thats the problem.
:: 8:39 p.m. on 2009-08-05
in that fleeting moment, a myriad of colours, a monarch, regal in stance, i never knew, never really understood how someone could look so good, so perfect in ink and sheer.
i am starting something with infinite possibilities, a pocketful of dreams and hope, something that imbibes pathos, evokes delight, something that stirs up ambivalence, confusion. I say this is more of a comeback than a combat and it probably will be my time to shine if and only if i had your pair of shiny wings.
:: 5:48 p.m. on 2009-08-03
you amaze me. strike me, astound me. anyone lucky enough? i can tell why they whisper and why they descend. i am very much blinded. like lear, how uncanny. no idea why either. black spec. we're almost done, we really have come too far to think or look back, to reflect yes, but you shant fail me now. 6 more PCs, 6 more PEs. out into the big bad world, very very intriguing. when all the excitement comes to a halt, you caught me looking at the moon. embarrassing
:: 11:44 p.m. on 2009-07-31
great, just great. i finally got what i wanted and now i am scared to lose everything i've got.. paranoid much PFFF you know what, they dont like you like i love you. liberty, sweet smelling.
:: 10:41 p.m. on 2009-07-19
everything is business, means business, imbibes business. i have lost all ability, come back soon, i know you'll be back soon fei, for now you just need to suck it up. be be be the very diligent, smart, hardworking, determined soul i know you are. PLEASEEEEEEE!
:: 10:06 p.m. on 2009-07-03
WHERE ARE YOU WHEN I NEED YOU MOST! very very annoyed.
:: 11:07 p.m. on 2009-07-01
Shes back to her old ways. She becomes the him, enthralled by his desire for his mistress and applies it with all its implications to the drinker and his addiction. as consuming and captivating as it is, becoming victims. yet seemingly plaguing is the pleasure and contentment that comes with it.
pff and the worse thing is, she cant seem to come out of it. its eating me aliveeee
:: 9:56 p.m. on 2009-06-30
i dont know how u do it. school's starting again! i cant stand the thought of it, its one thing to wake up at 5am every morning to do the thing you detest most and another to have to be so caught up with datelines and work and all that nonsense that dont really add up anyways. though i am pretty happy that because of asian youth, fei does not need to take some papers. i love the way things work out.
6 more months, hang in there.
it gets real tiring to keep pondering and searching and then you're at the same spot, back to square one. right where you started. another reason to do it well. i cant stand the fact that i may actually be selling myself short of something. this does not happen to me, i refuse to believe it. denial is a dangerous game.
:: 12:04 a.m. on 2009-06-28
i couldnt take it, woke up this morning and the weather was too good to be true. thus i went for a jog and now i'm suppose to be starting on chemistry, which evidently i am not.
HEEEEHEEEE!
and so the biggest bitch of all has left for new york! 
just bought a dress online! i think it was meant to be! HAHA! i should stop coming online, internet is my biggest downfall yet! but theres something about sequins and tie dye fei cannot resist!! too many pretty things in the world makes me depressedddd....
:: 11:34 a.m. on 2009-06-24